Francis to Rose, Dec. 25, 1880

The following letter was written by Francis J. Rice to his future wife three days before they were married on December 28, 1880 at Valley Falls, Kansas.

Previously, we have been made aware of the conflicts between Rose and her family concerning her marriage to Francis, a minister of Baptist convictions which were in direct conflict with the Swiss Evangelical Reform beliefs of the family Hefty.  In this letter, this conflict really comes to life as Francis tries to both comfort Rose, encourage her, and at the same time attempt to avoid open conflict at the wedding.

Throughout history, conflicts caused by religious beliefs and practices are quite evident at all levels, be it international, national, local, familiar, or between loved ones. Strange, when one assumes that the essential postulates of most religions, at least those of Christian faith, are love, and tolerance, with a focus on the Savior Christ, as opposed to theological details and practices.  If not all of us, most of us, have experienced such conflicts on a personal level. As a kid and adult, such things were a part of my life in regards to conflicts between Protestants and Catholics, as well as nonbelievers and Catholics.  Unbelievable!

Frank’s words truly describe the immense hurt Rose was feeling at the time and on an occasion which should have been one of elation with a joyous view of the future.

The following is a transcript of the above letter:

Dec. 25, 1880

Dear Rose
   Accept my Christmas compliments.
   I regret to say than(t) any change in the arrangements for the ceremony proves to be impracticable at so late an hour.  I should be glad to yield to your father’s wish if it were possible.  I think, however, if he thinks over it, he will see the impropriety of our leaving town to me married.  Such a procedure would reflect upon you and still more upon me, the more so because of my position as a minister.  I certainly could not consent to that.  I think it would be far better for your father and mother to remain at home from the church than that we should be married out of town.  I chose the church, not because I personally preferred it, but because it seemed to my judgment the most suitable place in view of all the circumstances.
   There are no invitations properly so-called, being given.
   No one but the members of the church are spoken to about it.
   Of course, the absence of your father and mother would create some comment.  Should they be present, there will be no comment on them nor on us.  And just this is the point in which suitableness of the church appears.  It will be a place where we can all meet and thus avoid all remark.  It is as just to one side as to the other, to us as to them.
   Personally I should much prefer the absence of your parents to their presence under protest.  But we must defer to public opinion.  And I hope and believe that one day this matter will right itself.
   I called last night at about 6 o’clock but found no one at home.
   If you wish, you may read or show this to your father as I shall not have time to call today.

                     Yours Ever
                     F. Rice
(over)

I visited Dr Bishop in St. Joseph yesterday morning.  He said my eyes looked and felt very well.  He claimed that a thorough examination would take several hours.  The interview was somewhat unsatisfactory as he left the room abruptly in the midst of it, without return.  I was compelled to leave during his absence in order to catch the train.

F.

(on a separate page is found the following)

Dear Rose
   Allow me a word or two privately.  The inclosed (sic.) letter is for your father to read, if you think best.
   Please prepare a list of names to whom you wish the printed announcements to be sent, also a list of those whom you wish spoken to and given the opportunity of being present on Tuesday at the church.  So far as possible I will see that they are notified.
   Do not be too much depressed.  There are some sad things about such a step as you and I are taking, but there are some – nay – many joyous things about it too.  There is some risk. But there are also possibilities of good.
   You know that “the course of true love does not run smooth”.  I feel deeply the expense at which you accept me, at which you turn from all others in life and cleave to me. May God help me to be true to you and to repay a little joy into your disturbed heart!

   Yours only and ever,
          Frank

If convenient, come down tomorrow prepared to stay over with us until evening.  My mother would like to talk with you.
        Fr.

In his letter, Francis states that: “There are no invitations properly so-called, being given.” Later, in his note to Rose he writes: “Please prepare a list of names to whom you wish the printed announcements to be sent...”  Distinguishing between invitations and announcements, below is a copy of the mentioned announcement sent to selected individuals in 1880-1881 announcing the wedding.